MarriedLife: Does It Matter If I Look Good?

DSCN1316

Who doesn’t want to look their best?

You’d be surprised!

Whenever you first begin something in life you put your good foot forward. Whether it’s a job interview or picture day at school or the first date. But after you landed the job, got the girl or boy of your dreams is it required for you to continually keep your best foot forward? Is the same requirement for women to look their best enforced for men?

1

Yes, it matters!  When my wife looks good it lets me know that she has class, that she cares about her self-worth and she is mature. Before I got married, I desired to be with a woman that was mature, beautiful and respectful in her appearance and behavior. When my wife doesn’t look good it makes me believe she doesn’t care and that she essentially gave up on life. I find it very unattractive whenever my wife doesn’t have her hair done and isn’t put together and glamoured up. I believe in spending time and money on my wife so she could look her best and feel her best. Whenever my wife is smelling good and looking good it lets me know how she feels on the inside. I believe our outward appearances reflect our inner selves. Maintaining our appearance gives us a glimpse of your character, beliefs, and morals in life. When you respect yourself you can respect others.

2

Even if you can’t afford designer clothes and brand name labels, you should take effort into making yourself look good and feel good. I love to dress up not for the sake of pleasing others or my husband but so I can be comfortable in my skin and who I am. So if I’m wearing a dress and heels one day and then ripped jeans and a pair of wedges another it doesn’t mean I have less confidence. I want to see men and woman dressing like the confident person they are and can be. If I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t pay any attention to a guy who didn’t have is pants pulled up, a nice haircut and some nice shoes. That doesn’t make me a “goal digger” but a person with standards. Sometimes my husband doesn’t dress up like I want him to. I nudge and nudge but when he does I revel in how handsome my husband is. I love seeing him in a nice suit and a tie or even nice jeans and tee, it lets me know he is happy with his family and life.

MarriedLife: Apology Accepted?

How hard is it to just say, “I’m sorry”?  Apparently, those two words can sometimes make or break your marriage. In a marriage, conflict arises and usually if not kept in check it can escalate to where things can go from bad to worse. No matter how  deep in love you are with your spouse, how close, or how long you’ve been married, somewhere along the line, someone has to say, “I’m sorry.”

2

I don’t always apologize like I should. Whenever we come to a fork in the road, my instincts are to prove him wrong instead of seeking peace. When my husband and I disagree, I try my hardest to justify my opinions or actions. I put all my energy into seeing that I’m right and he is wrong. Sometimes I feel that the person responsible for the problem should dish out the apology. When I know I’m completely at fault, it’s easy to say, “I’m sorry.”

 

1I believe my apologies to my wife show that I am truly sorry. I don’t believe my wife sees my apologies are sincere. When I’m at fault, my wife always wants more. Saying, “I’m sorry” isn’t enough for my wife. She wants to know the specifics of my apology, the reason and a grand gesture to seal the deal. In my mind, my apologies seem adequate. When I say, “I’m sorry” it typically means for it to cover everything that’s been said or done. As a man, I prefer to get straight to the point. My goal is to avoid stopping at every intricate detail and get right down to making up.

Life Lesson: Motherhood Will Change You

 

29309_422351732151_3645403_nBefore Elizabeth…

My life revolved around what I wanted, how I planned on getting ahead and how good I was going to look doing it. I wasn’t self-absorbed, just every decision I made mainly benefited me. When I went to work for long hours it was so I could get money. Whenever I got my paycheck I divided my funds to take care of needs and desires for me. When I spent time with friends it was so I could have fun. My alone time consisted of studying, reading, writing, listening to music, shopping, and just relaxing. I wasn’t bound by heavy obligations or responsibilities. My money, time, and energy were dedicated to me.

 

Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”

IMG_1009After Elizabeth…

My days revolve around her. Now my priority is what she needs, what she wants, and how we are going to provide, care and love her. Being a mother (and wife) changed me to be self-less. My mornings involved feeding her, changing her, entertaining her. My afternoons involved feeding her, changing her, playing with her, and keeping her safe and clean. My nights involved feeding her, changing her, fighting to get her PJs on, and rocking her to sleep.

Not to sound like a broken record but my life from now on is filled with Elizabeth. When she is fast asleep I stay awake trying to cram everything I need or want all while still thinking of her. Motherhood is the only thing in life that can make or break you.

Here’s the good part…

I love being her mother! Though I miss having more free time for myself (and husband), I know I cashed in and won the jackpot. Sometimes I cry a little when I carry a baby bag more than a designer but knowing that my daughter is taken care is comforting. I’d sacrifice my style for her any day. Being a mother shows me how much God loves me.

Whenever Elizabeth is hurt or sad, I instantly want to run to her rescue and comfort her. Just like God, he is never standing on the sidelines watching us in pain but is squirming in heaven on his throne to run down and comfort us. When he died on the cross and rose again He demonstrated his “motherly” eagerness to keep us safe, loved, and free. Sometimes Elizabeth tries to do a “no-no” willingly. Whether trying to touch something dangerous or picking strange objects off the floor; I run to her with that same god-like eagerness because I love her. I love God more now that I’m a mother because I understand and appreciate his love for me. I don’t take for granted his affection, his warnings and teachings because I understand now that I’m in a similar position with my child. I get giddy because although I love my daughter very much, I can never love her the way God loves us!

Moment of Truth: A Letter To Myself 2016

 

Dear Victoria,

It’s the New Year so quit playing around. There are some things we need to address before you become successful. I love you too much to make the same mistakes from last year. I especially will not tolerate another second of you second-guessing us. Don’t worry, I’ve brought a hefty insurance policy on you in case you bail on me.

One thing you need to keep in this year is your love and passion for God. Don’t EVER let your responsibilities and privileges push Jesus Christ aside. No more, “In a minute God” or “I’ll do it later, Lord.” God loves us too much for you to keep pushing him away. Without him, you have nothing! Remember that!

Swallow your pride and love your husband. Yes, I know he can be a bit “team too much” but you decided to marry him anyway, so deal with it. Laugh at his corny jokes, never stop forgiving him when he messes up and ALWAYS pray for him. I mean when he is good and bad! Pray when you have nothing else better to do. The man needs it! You both do! Keep your love for your husband high and your respect for him higher. I better not hear you being mean!

I don’t have to tell you, but love your daughter! She is spectacular. She is everything a mother could ask for. Trust me. Play with her and be an example that you want her to follow. Model Christ in front of her always. Teach her how to be the woman and wife you are still striving to be. Make sure she is a lady. Try not to spank her too much!

Lastly, smile. Don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring. Actually, enjoy the moment for a change. I’m serious, enjoy your 20s because you rarely do. Be strong, confident, and sweet. Make sure you always have enough pens in your purse. And never give up! I’ll be checking in on you so you better stay sober (1 Peter 5:8). Make sure you never, ever stop writing. There isn’t enough room in your head for another story, plot twist, or play.

Love Always,

The Tougher Side of Me

Moment of Truth: Facing My Feelings

He’s gone. God give me strength. #Wife #Husband #NationalGuard

I wasn’t planning on sharing this on my blog. I’m trying not to lie, but I’m having a hard time being open about this. This has brought a lot of mixed emotions. On the outside, I am cool, confident and secure. On the inside, I’m nervous, worried, and anxious.

January 4, 2016, my husband left me.  He left to complete his basic training at Fort Jackson in South Carolina. I’m so proud of my best friend because he has been trying for so long to join. The past two years have really challenged the both of us, our marriage and our spirituality. I remember when he first told me he was signing up for the military while we were engaged. I was shocked. I always thought he would be a regular joe. A man who clocked in and out every day. I was obviously happy on the outside, and knowing my husband, he knew I wasn’t entirely eager on the inside. A couple of months after we got married, he found out that he was horribly deceived. He signed up just like everyone else, filled out the application, paperwork, and forms. He completed physicals and drills, only to be told lies. One minute he was in the army and the next he wasn’t.

I still don’t know what happened, how he got the boot and why. Although I was disappointed on the outside, I was relieved on the inside. But, my husband was wrecked. He was disappointed that all his hard work was in vain. He was humiliated; after telling so many family and friends of his next big adventure.  Being publicly humiliated, left with empty pockets made him feel so small. I was so frustrated and sad for him because he was a victim, yet some treated him like a villain. It was a battle I couldn’t win for him. It was difficult watching him struggle. He had questions, he was hurt, and he looked alone.

As horrible as the past two years have been, I am so grateful that it made me fall down on my knees and pray. All the bad, inconveniences, and deceit the past year made me depend on his Word like never before. It wasn’t easy watching my best friend be gutted like a fish, so helpless to vulnerability. My husband went through so much back-stabbing, gossipers, betrayals, liars, and two face crooks. I saw sides of him that made my heart ache.

So, when my husband told me again that he was signing up for the military. Can you imagine my face? An eruption of emotions bellowed from me. I was confused that he wanted to risk the everything again for nothing but uncertainties. I was insulted that he would risk our relationship to try another attempt at failure. Not to mention, it would now mean leaving me alone with our daughter. I kind of came off as unsupportive and as you get to know me, I a very supportive, loving friend and wife. Just, after the roller coaster of the disappointment last time, I really didn’t want to get on the ride again. He kept telling me over and over that this time will be different. So, I bit my tongue and held two thumbs up and made sure to hold back my tears until everyone went to sleep.

DSCN1316I’m trying not to lie, my prayers were a little conflicted. I would tell my husband that I’m praying for him to get in, but behind closed doors, I would tell God to belay that prayer and bless him to stay home. I just didn’t want to sign up and watch my husband go through the same horror. Can you blame me? I would ask God over and over, moan and groan, and lament for another story for my husband. One that didn’t require him leaving.

As romantic the idea of being married to a soldier might be, it takes a huge commitment. As honorable as the position is, I don’t take it lightly and appreciate every military family because of it. It’s not an easy task. Once he learned of his departure date, it was sealed. My husband was packing up to be a soldier. It’s been a couple days since he left and I’m cool. Taking it a breath at a time. My worst fear is that he comes back home broken and disappointed again. If you are married, then you know how challenging it can be to hold up a broken man. So, it’s out of my hands and all I have left to do is pray.

Life Lesson: Follow God’s Word

 

Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty”.

This year I don’t want to doubt, worry, or stress. I want to have complete confidence in God’s plan for my life. I want to wake up, pray and hustle. I want to busy myself with getting deeper in my relationship with God, my husband, and friends. I have spent far too long of my time living unsatisfied. I’ve pushed back passions and dreams long enough. I have ideas and plans that I want to glorify God with. I don’t even want to hear the word “limit” unless it refers to unlimited. My goals for this year is to live, eat, sleep the Word of God in all aspect of my life. I have so much I want to go and a God who can do it for me. Before I share my goals, here is a list of scriptures that will determine my success. I am laying the Word of God before me — before I make any concrete decisions, moves, or actions.

Proverbs 3:6 says, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 says, “And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”

James 4:13-15 says, “Go to now, ye that say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.”

As many goals and dreams, I have locked  up inside me, submitting them to God is the most important. Humbly set goals and recognize that God controls our destiny.

Psalm 37:4-5 says, “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass.

And realize that as amazing as you think your or my dreams are, they are nothing compared to how grand God’s plan for our lives are (Isaiah 55:8-11).

I don’t know about you, but I am excited. With these scriptures and words of wisdom, my dreams have no choice to submit and soar. I would love for you to share your goals, quotes, motivational phrases you have for this year. Even better, leave a link to your 2016 goals and I will feature them! Make them count!

I Am #YoungMomStrong

Screenshot (27).png

I am so excited! I am so happy I connected with Courtney Lynn Howell. She is one amazing young mom! Go read her story about her journey to motherhood. Motherhood & Main is a beautiful, awe-inspiring website for young moms to come and connect and gain love and support. When I first saw her site I was blown away. Her small beginnings brought her to such high heights of accomplishments. I highly recommend you going to her website and see for yourself!

I am so grateful that she decided to feature me in her #YoungMomStrong series. If you don’t believe me go see for yourself…Click Here! I was jumping up in down with excitement. I have probably clicked the link a thousand times and shared it two thousand times. There are plenty of outstanding young mothers before me that you should read as well.

This is why I love blogging. If you haven’t started your own cool blog don’t wait another second. I get to be apart of a world filled with amazing mothers and women. Each one of us may talk about the same thing or topic but we all say it differently. We all have our own voice and style. I also love how I don’t feel the need to compete with them either. We, young moms, gotta stick together!

 

]