MarriedLife: Does It Matter If I Look Good?

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Who doesn’t want to look their best?

You’d be surprised!

Whenever you first begin something in life you put your good foot forward. Whether it’s a job interview or picture day at school or the first date. But after you landed the job, got the girl or boy of your dreams is it required for you to continually keep your best foot forward? Is the same requirement for women to look their best enforced for men?

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Yes, it matters!  When my wife looks good it lets me know that she has class, that she cares about her self-worth and she is mature. Before I got married, I desired to be with a woman that was mature, beautiful and respectful in her appearance and behavior. When my wife doesn’t look good it makes me believe she doesn’t care and that she essentially gave up on life. I find it very unattractive whenever my wife doesn’t have her hair done and isn’t put together and glamoured up. I believe in spending time and money on my wife so she could look her best and feel her best. Whenever my wife is smelling good and looking good it lets me know how she feels on the inside. I believe our outward appearances reflect our inner selves. Maintaining our appearance gives us a glimpse of your character, beliefs, and morals in life. When you respect yourself you can respect others.

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Even if you can’t afford designer clothes and brand name labels, you should take effort into making yourself look good and feel good. I love to dress up not for the sake of pleasing others or my husband but so I can be comfortable in my skin and who I am. So if I’m wearing a dress and heels one day and then ripped jeans and a pair of wedges another it doesn’t mean I have less confidence. I want to see men and woman dressing like the confident person they are and can be. If I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t pay any attention to a guy who didn’t have is pants pulled up, a nice haircut and some nice shoes. That doesn’t make me a “goal digger” but a person with standards. Sometimes my husband doesn’t dress up like I want him to. I nudge and nudge but when he does I revel in how handsome my husband is. I love seeing him in a nice suit and a tie or even nice jeans and tee, it lets me know he is happy with his family and life.

MarriedLife: Apology Accepted?

How hard is it to just say, “I’m sorry”?  Apparently, those two words can sometimes make or break your marriage. In a marriage, conflict arises and usually if not kept in check it can escalate to where things can go from bad to worse. No matter how  deep in love you are with your spouse, how close, or how long you’ve been married, somewhere along the line, someone has to say, “I’m sorry.”

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I don’t always apologize like I should. Whenever we come to a fork in the road, my instincts are to prove him wrong instead of seeking peace. When my husband and I disagree, I try my hardest to justify my opinions or actions. I put all my energy into seeing that I’m right and he is wrong. Sometimes I feel that the person responsible for the problem should dish out the apology. When I know I’m completely at fault, it’s easy to say, “I’m sorry.”

 

1I believe my apologies to my wife show that I am truly sorry. I don’t believe my wife sees my apologies are sincere. When I’m at fault, my wife always wants more. Saying, “I’m sorry” isn’t enough for my wife. She wants to know the specifics of my apology, the reason and a grand gesture to seal the deal. In my mind, my apologies seem adequate. When I say, “I’m sorry” it typically means for it to cover everything that’s been said or done. As a man, I prefer to get straight to the point. My goal is to avoid stopping at every intricate detail and get right down to making up.

Moment of Truth: Facing My Feelings

He’s gone. God give me strength. #Wife #Husband #NationalGuard

I wasn’t planning on sharing this on my blog. I’m trying not to lie, but I’m having a hard time being open about this. This has brought a lot of mixed emotions. On the outside, I am cool, confident and secure. On the inside, I’m nervous, worried, and anxious.

January 4, 2016, my husband left me.  He left to complete his basic training at Fort Jackson in South Carolina. I’m so proud of my best friend because he has been trying for so long to join. The past two years have really challenged the both of us, our marriage and our spirituality. I remember when he first told me he was signing up for the military while we were engaged. I was shocked. I always thought he would be a regular joe. A man who clocked in and out every day. I was obviously happy on the outside, and knowing my husband, he knew I wasn’t entirely eager on the inside. A couple of months after we got married, he found out that he was horribly deceived. He signed up just like everyone else, filled out the application, paperwork, and forms. He completed physicals and drills, only to be told lies. One minute he was in the army and the next he wasn’t.

I still don’t know what happened, how he got the boot and why. Although I was disappointed on the outside, I was relieved on the inside. But, my husband was wrecked. He was disappointed that all his hard work was in vain. He was humiliated; after telling so many family and friends of his next big adventure.  Being publicly humiliated, left with empty pockets made him feel so small. I was so frustrated and sad for him because he was a victim, yet some treated him like a villain. It was a battle I couldn’t win for him. It was difficult watching him struggle. He had questions, he was hurt, and he looked alone.

As horrible as the past two years have been, I am so grateful that it made me fall down on my knees and pray. All the bad, inconveniences, and deceit the past year made me depend on his Word like never before. It wasn’t easy watching my best friend be gutted like a fish, so helpless to vulnerability. My husband went through so much back-stabbing, gossipers, betrayals, liars, and two face crooks. I saw sides of him that made my heart ache.

So, when my husband told me again that he was signing up for the military. Can you imagine my face? An eruption of emotions bellowed from me. I was confused that he wanted to risk the everything again for nothing but uncertainties. I was insulted that he would risk our relationship to try another attempt at failure. Not to mention, it would now mean leaving me alone with our daughter. I kind of came off as unsupportive and as you get to know me, I a very supportive, loving friend and wife. Just, after the roller coaster of the disappointment last time, I really didn’t want to get on the ride again. He kept telling me over and over that this time will be different. So, I bit my tongue and held two thumbs up and made sure to hold back my tears until everyone went to sleep.

DSCN1316I’m trying not to lie, my prayers were a little conflicted. I would tell my husband that I’m praying for him to get in, but behind closed doors, I would tell God to belay that prayer and bless him to stay home. I just didn’t want to sign up and watch my husband go through the same horror. Can you blame me? I would ask God over and over, moan and groan, and lament for another story for my husband. One that didn’t require him leaving.

As romantic the idea of being married to a soldier might be, it takes a huge commitment. As honorable as the position is, I don’t take it lightly and appreciate every military family because of it. It’s not an easy task. Once he learned of his departure date, it was sealed. My husband was packing up to be a soldier. It’s been a couple days since he left and I’m cool. Taking it a breath at a time. My worst fear is that he comes back home broken and disappointed again. If you are married, then you know how challenging it can be to hold up a broken man. So, it’s out of my hands and all I have left to do is pray.