I am blessed to be a part of a musical family. From my father to my younger brother we all can either sing, play an instrument (or more), draw, or write creatively. My older brother (which of proud of) since birth has had an obvious anointing. No matter where he went, God’s spirit flowed in him to play and minister. He wasn’t just skilled but anointed. You could feel God’s presence whenever he played or sung. It only makes sense as to why the devil constantly attacked, he no longer possessed the pure power to promote God so eloquently.
Can you imagine living behind that? I was frustrated and hurt as to why my life didn’t include an “obvious” anointing. It was difficult always being compared to him. My brother is amazing but sometimes I would hate my brother and his abilities because it took away the times when I accomplished something. I felt like old, expired leftovers – ready to be thrown away. No one gawked at my abilities. Unless – I played the old familiar game of “follow the leader.” Only then did I receive the attention I coveted when I followed my brother’s footsteps. Whenever I sang I was acknowledged. I was playing a game where the rules were made by others and I still wasn’t winning.
My heart was heavy and I carried a burden that I couldn’t handle. Soon the joy of singing turned her back on me. Every time I sang I felt sad and heavy with failure. I would walk up to the microphone feeling fine and leave it feeling drained. I hated that feeling and wanted nothing to do with the cause of it. So I ran. Instead of ignoring the voices that weren’t from God, I ran away from what used to make me smile. Instead of facing my shortcomings, differences, and fears I ran from others, God, and myself. Part of my problem was I thought if I listened to others or followed the path of my brother’s that I would be complete. I would finally gain the love and support. I learned that in order to have true love, true abundant life you must listen to God and follow Jesus Christ.
Time went by and through my confusion and silence a familiar passion emerged. Still struggling with wounds and scars I was still afraid to open up, fearful that I would receive the rejection I feared deeply. I thought since I no longer sang, no longer followed the quota of the crowd that I was
disqualified. I thought my chance at destiny, anointing and ministry left me to no longer return. I was too scared to listen to God. Fear blinded me. Echoes of the past haunted me. I struggled to accept the hand of God that offered healing, life, and my voice. It was a voice not of a song but behind a pen. A voice emerged in the Word of God and not of others validation or opinions. Before hearing (and accepting) God I had to properly be introduced to God Almighty. Before knowing who I was I had to know him.
To be continued…